this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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