I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
