I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
