It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
