He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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