And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
