the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Randomize
