And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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