That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
