idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
