guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
