WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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