i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
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