I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
