my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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