wrigley field is MILF paradise
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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