I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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