:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
