I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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