alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
