I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
