I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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