she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
