That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
