The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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