WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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