I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
