if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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