hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
