Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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