I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
