I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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