at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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