he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
