i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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