Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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