yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
