I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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