he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
