you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
