i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
