i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
