I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
