Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Randomize
