News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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