Your tits are I can't wait for
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
