The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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