so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I know her cup size but not her name....
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
