i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
