How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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